Tuesday, July 14, 2009

I must confess. I am not in the mood to blog. I haven't been for some time and I may never be again. My life is starting over with new chapters and new time restrictions. Blogging for me takes time.

It's not that I don't like to blog. I do. I really do. I have made so many friends here that I just love to pieces and I never want to lose contact with them. But, I just can't blog.

Three weeks ago my Daddy died in an accident. He was almost 87 years old.

If you know me or if you don't and just read this blog then you know that my Mother and Daddy are incredible people. We are a close knit family. They were the rocks of our family. Our big family. Our amazing family. They shared a life together for 67 years. And for 57 of those years I worried about what would happen to my life someday when one of parents passed away. Now, I know. We are grief stricken for sure. We are stunned. But mostly we are just broken and feel so incomplete. We have physical pain from his absence.

For Daddy's sake we are happy. He is home. For our sake, we are sad. We are here. His car is still in that garage. His clothes are still in the closet. His Old Spice after shave sits by his toothbrush on the sink. The shoes he wore that last day are at the foot of my bed.

I wanted you to know. I wanted you to know why I am not here. My heart is just not in it right now. I'd love to tell you about my beautiful new granddaughter that was born 2 weeks ago. Oh she helped my heart so much. I could tell you that I am tired but I am feeling great. Did you know that I am going to be a grandmother again in February? That makes me very happy. Or, you might like to know that my children are all healthy and leading productive lives full of joy. I could tell you that I am abundantly blessed because I am. I know I am and I am so grateful.

But, I just don't want to talk right now. Because of my Daddy. He died 3 weeks ago and my heart will never be the same.