Thursday, January 19, 2006
I hate being vain. I have absolutely no reason to be but those of you who know me well know it is a fact. I am fast becoming one of those little ladies with too much blush and jingling jangling jewelry hanging off anything that will hold it on. The last few days I have been curiously reading up on cosmetic surgery. Just looking and wondering. I won't say I'll never succumb to it but right now I am mostly just fascinated by it. I watch way too many reality shows and make overs and have seem some incredible turn arounds. The funniest thing is that I have as my screen saver a school picture of myself from the 4th grade. I sat and stared at the picture last night. Would I go back? Never. But staring back at me was the face of a little girl that I was trying to reconnect with. I recognized the eyes. I recognized the eyebrows. (Boy did I have some ) Thank goodness for waxing. I could remember the red plaid dress and the hair. The white teeth. Was this before the braces or after? Of course, this was way before Ruben let make up touch that face but I didn't really need it yet. I was somewhere between being a little girl and bursting into puberty. Not that I bursted into in the sense that I turned voluptuous but I did scour through many a SEVENTEEN magazine looking at fashion and make up. The girly gene was present. I wondered when I was looking at the picture what I was like then. What kind of day did I have at school that day? Was I happy? Who were my friends then? What did my mother fix for supper that day? I wonder. I see the children at school skipping around the halls and playground and I wonder if I was like that. One thing I realized for sure is that time stops for no one. It marches right on. Those same eyes, the same face, with now the manicured eyebrows, wayward hair, are still mine. The heart, the will, the woman child. It's all still me. So, I will keep studying this philosophical question of fighting the age issue and be satisfied that I am exactly what God wants me to be. I am exactly what He wants me to look like. But, please someone tell me when I am overdoing it with the "staying in fashion" look. I need to remember I am not the same little girl in the picture. Can you tell someone is dreading another birthday? Thankful for it but dreading it.