Thursday, September 20, 2007

Look Up the Word Oxymoron

Life. Sometimes I really ponder how something that started out so slow could have gained so much momentum. Here I am now, in the middle part of the years that have been allotted to me. Statistically, I should have more good years. That seems so short compared with what I started off with. Hopes and dreams……some accomplished but most still dreams. Myself, I haven’t changed much on the inside. I think that part is very comical. That the person I am today is pretty much who I was all those years ago. I wrote this so you can know me better and maybe I can recognize myself.

I was born to be a mother. I am a nurturer. I wish I could hold my children one more time as babies. I miss the noise of my children. I love my family. My grandchildren are the greatest gifts on earth. I adore, love and cherish my parents. I love, respect and look up to my sisters. I love my neices and nephews. I don’t like not being needed. I believe in unconditional love. I just plain believe in love. I love love. I also believe in like. I am compulsive. I am obsessive. I am vain. Somedays I feel so ugly and old. I love friendships. I believe in the theory of best friends. I believe in the theory of life long friends. I need friends. I like friends to need me. I am very dependable. I think friends should be dependable. I always want to please everyone. Without thinking about it. I am sensitive. I never cry though. I need to cry sometimes. I wish I didn’t take things so personally. I rely on structure & scheduling. I hate structure & scheduling. I love to laugh. I love to laugh until I cry. I love to make people laugh. I love a good practical joke. I don’t like jokes that hurt others. I am way full of bull. I love bull. I tend to exaggerate almost everything I say. I love to be the storyteller.

I love to shop. I love the sound of a cash register. I love to carry sacks from purchases. I love fashion. Sometimes I feel too old for fashion. I love SteinMart. I love Target. I love Walmart. I love catalogs. I love accessories to fashion. I love "bling bling" and jewelry that jingles. I over accessorize most of the time. I like shoes. I love movies….good girly ones. I love music that makes you get lost in the feeling. Or music that moves your spirit and soul. I like to buy books. I don’t really like to read because I can’t sit still. I like to write. I love photography. I love to be creative. I love to decorate my house. I keep a journal. I love to get a new purse or wallet. I want to travel. I hate to travel. I am a homebody. I love my own things. I love to eat. I love chocolate. I love pastries. I love supreme pizzas. I love black coffee. I love unsweet tea. I love to eat out. I hate exercise. I exercise a couple of times a week. I wish I was a runner. I wish I was disciplined about taking better care of myself. I am not a good patient when I am sick. I love to take care of other people. I am co dependent. VERY.

I love organization. I am so unorganized. I love a clean house. I am a procrastinator. I hate being late. I daydream a lot. I am an insomniac. Night scares me. I am a maniac dreamer. I wish I was confident. I wish I wasn’t so sarcastic. (sometimes.) I am a doubter about a lot of things. I lie sometimes. I hate lying. I hate people to use God’s name in vain. I have a list of words I hate. I hate cursing. If I am mad I use an ugly word that I like S _ _ _. It is not my nature to be mad. If I am mad I forget why. I don’t like people to be mad at me. I believe anger is bad for your health. I never intentionally hurt other people. I love having friends over to my house. I like to being alone. Sometimes I need to be alone. I crave companionship. Sometimes I feel like I am in my own world. I am in my own world.

I don’t know what I want to be when I grow up. I don’t want to grow up. I like to cut out of magazines. I like to make files of things I cut out. I love to color code things. I love to color. I love sharp colors. I love pleasant surprises. I don’t believe in luck. I do believe in fate. I love having parties. I love to plan parties. I love to plan anything. I love the exhilaration of having completed something important. I don’t like crowds. I don’t like to feel trapped. I am claustrophobic. I don’t want to be rich. I do want to have money. I wish I liked to garden. I love looking at other people’s landscaping. I like to watch decorating channels. I hate to paint. I love how fresh paint looks. I am self conscience. People think I am very strong. I am very weak. I wish I was strong. I worry about things I have no control over. I worry about things I do control. I wish I could relive certain days again. I wish hasty decisions could be undone.

Deaths of my family members scares me. I am morbid. I have too many questions. I am not afraid to die. I am afraid to be buried. I want to go to heaven. I hate making mistakes. I make a lot of mistakes. I don’t want to be perfect. I love my church family. I worry about the future. I worry about war. I worry about children that aren’t mine that go to war Sometimes I feel confused about common things. I like common things. I am not motivated. I like to motivate people. I need encouragement. I need a lot of encouragement. I like to encourage other people. I am overwhelmed at times by life. I sometimes feel hopeless. I hate feeling that. I despise feeling shame. I don’t like to be disciplined. I need discipline. I think constructive criticism should be against the law.
I am way NOT perfect or even close. But, I know someone who is.

Wouldn't you say I'm an oxymoron?


Snapshot said...

My family would prefer I just be called "moron".

Nicole said...

I love your posts. This one especially. It was a great read!!

pruittsplace said...

hey lynn...
sat down with your sister to watch jordan play soccer last week. it was fun. you should have been there!
thanks for the note on our blog. it's a crazy virtual world out there, but hopefully it keeps us connected to real people.
hey, nice use of photography on your blog... ms creative! say hi to your crew for me!
your little brother...

Hollie Reese said...

loved that post!

Giggi said...

Definitely an oxymoron. Definitely.

Tiger Lamb Girl said...

So honest. What a beautiful post.