A Little to the Left

Several months ago I sang at a friend's daughter's wedding with Becky and Tawana. As a "thank you" she gave us each a gift certificate to receive a 45 minute massage. I don't think I ever needed one like I did today and I cashed in on that THANK YOU. For 45 glorious minutes, I didn't need to talk to anyone ( I didn't even know her anyway ). I didn't need to think. The room was dark, cold and some kind of Chinese music was playing. Not exactly in my top 10 musical selections but it was soothing. I did keep thinking of Memoirs of a Geisha which was a little distracting. As you must realize by now, it is virtually impossible to put my brain to sleep. But, I did the best I could. She knew what she was doing. She worked me from neck to foot. She kneaded, rolled, squirted some kind of hot stuff that smelled like lavender on me, she popped joints, wrestled knots in my shoulders the size of Irish potatoes and left my head for last. That's right I said my head. Now mind you, I am vain. I am known to fix my hair and makeup before scheduled surgeries. She, without my permission, removed the giant clip that held my hair coiffed up in a nice little wad. Before I knew it my hair was sticking straight up in every direction. It had enough hair spray on it to hold it that way too. It did feel so good to get a head massage but I must say that it took me 30 minutes to get that clip back in so I could exit the place. This is just a warning to those of you who have never had a full body massage. Your head is going to get kneaded and rubbed. Go in expecting this and take a hairbrush. At least I had dark glasses for the ride home.

What Time Is It?

I hate it when I do this. I came home today and looked around at all things that needed to be done. Then I said to myself, "Self, why don't you take a little nap and you'll feel so refreshed when you wake up. Ready to tackle all those projects...ready to finish up all the things you have left undone since yesterday. " Three hours later I woke up. It was dark outside. I looked at the clock. "OH MY, I am late for work!" I hit the floor. Running, however, is not the description for you. I was flopping, flailing and falling all over the furniture trying to decide what to do first. Where to go. Who to call. Roll my hair or take a bath. What am I going to wear? Or as Weezer, of Steel Magnolia fame, would say, "I didn't know whether to scratch my watch or wind my butt." Hope that isn't too offensive but it was funny when Weezer said it. Anyway, it took a few seconds to regain composure and realize that it was 7:30 PM. Rats, I still had time to cook supper, wash a few loads of clothes, and of course blog. Except it is now 9:30 PM and I really don't feel like doing anything.

Still Painting

Exactly one month ago today I told you my travails with all the extra adrenalin that flowed through me. All the projects I had started and left unfinished. Just a quick update on the progress or lack of it.......

1. The front door has been left as is.........the sanding has stopped. The idea to paint my beautiful stained door black receded to the depths of my mind. Instead, I made a beautiful fall wreath to welcome visitors to my home.

2. Only son's room has been finished. The bed has been made. The packed boxes and tubs are gone. Mission accomplished.

3. Daughter # 1's room has almost been transformed. Baskets of organization are now on the shelves. A new day/trundle bed is made up for company. My computer station is organized and I am surrounded by things that make me happy and smile. Please don't look in the closets or file drawers yet.

4. The bathroom that had wallpaper shreds hanging off after 2 straight weeks of picking is almost....almost finished. The sad news for my bank account was that professionals had to be called in. The happy news for me is that it is going to be beautiful.

5. Daughter # 2's room the door remains shut. I am scared to enter. I think all the things that have made these other 4 projects be accomplished have somehow crawled into that room to kill me when I open the door. Which will by the way be sometime towards the end of next week. Around Halloween. How appropriate.

When all of this chaos is through. A new roof will be put on this house. Followed very quickly by new flooring. Then I will call it quits for another 20 years. And let the next owners do whatever they want. By that time I should be settled snugly into the new wing of the local "home" playing BINGO and racing Cindy down the hall in my wheelchair.

A Stitch In Time

I guess the title is a little gross considering the facts. I'm home from Ashley's and the surgery went well. The dr. was able to put in the McDonald Cerclage along with an added stitch for precaution. If you know anything about high risk pregnancies or pre term labor that will make sense. However, I did not. At first he had planned to perform a cerclage procedure called the rescue cerclage. In the actual surgery he decided it was too risky for the safety of the baby. It would have prevented her from months of bed rest and ensured her of going close to full term. The McDonald cerclage is basically a safety stitch. It sews up the top of the cervix to help prevent pre term labor/early dilation, etc. The downside is that she will go on bedrest probably around Christmas. As soon as the baby grows more and more it will cause pressure on the stitches and bedrest will help give her more time and keep the weight off the cervix. So keep praying! I thank you for that, I really do. The sonogram and heartrate were perfectly normal and the baby had grown in 2 weeks.

It seems like all I ever talk about on my blog is medical stuff. You would think that we were this pitiful little inactive, unhealthy, undernourished family. In all actuality we are very active and basically quite healthy. Just because I have had 2 heart attacks does NOT mean I am not healthy. It's like my momma says, "I have a condition!" LOL. We all lead way active lives! It is just when something has to go wrong we like it to be in a big way. Always the drama family. More news later. And not health updates. We have a big trip to Abilene this weekend to watch the Merkel Badgers battle Anson. Go big PURPLE. It is also ACU's homecoming so we should see lots of old friends and family. Maybe I'll find something exciting to post for you next week. And then again, maybe not.

WE NEED YOU

I haven't been ready to tell this until now. I am going to be a NEENA again. Let me say I couldn' t be happier and more afraid at the same time. Most of you know that I have a daughter that has been trying for 6 years to have a baby. She was born to be a mother. From the time she was born she had a baby doll. The population of dolls grew and grew around our house. She had all colors, shapes, sizes, hair colors. Some had eyes open, some had eyes shut. She played with and loved them all. Although she would not admit it, I know that she played with dolls until jr. high. Rather secretly. She dressed up her poor little brother and fixed his hair long before he could defend himself. Then she began to dress our poor dog up in baby clothes. It wasn't long until the entire town realized what a "prize" she was as a babysitter. She babysat, babysat, and babysat some more. She went on trips with families to help with the children. She was like the PIED PIPER. At church, her pew would be filled with all the kids. This was everywhere we went. She never ever met a kid she didn't like! So the infertility issues were so confusing to us all because we knew there would never ever be a better Christian mother. Her husband bravely stood beside her in ever venture she undertook to get pregnant. He deserves a medal. Sadly, they lost twin sons several years ago. Just not quite ready to be born at 24 weeks. It broke their hearts and mine too. How do you heal from that? Or do you just go on? Going on is the only choice that we had.......now, by the miracle of God she is almost 12 weeks pregnant without any doctor intervention. We've kept it rather quiet until we were totally sure. We have now heard the heartbeat. We have seen the baby on a sonogram. It is now very real. She is placed in the high risk catergory and they have the best doctor who has assured that he will do everything he can to prevent anything from going wrong again. So, Friday morning at 8 AM we will check her into the hospital where she will have a procedure that will hopefully prevent her body from repeating history and starting pre-term labor. Please pray for her and her husband and give them strength to get through these next few months. And pray for the outcome.........a beautiful baby. I don't believe that we should ever bargain with God for blessings. I would be so afraid to do that. I would never do it. But, I promise that this baby will know about Jesus and salvation. He will hear the story of Noah, Daniel in the Lion's Den, and the Good Samaritan. I will do my part to give the message. Please join our family and remember them in your prayers these next few months. She mentioned in her blog and I'll share with you an excerpt of what she said:

"Now....Have I mentioned that I'm so very scared. I am. Absolutely freaking paranoid. I'm scared of history repeating itself. I'm scared that things will be beautiful one day and me upside down the next. I'm scared of cramps, back aches, hearses and small coffins. I'm scared of sympathy cards instead of congratulation cards. I'm scared the room will still stay empty. I'm scared of leaving the hospital empty handed...again. Please God let all things go smoothly."
Our whole family THANKS YOU for your prayers!

Hyper Juice

For some reason these past few weeks I have been running on some type of adrenalin rush. Major rush. Total mind races. I am expecting to run out of gas any minute. Honestly though. Why can't I channel this energy into something constructive? Instead, I have left a path of destruction through this house like you wouldn't believe. You think I am kidding? Here is a small sample of what I mean.

1. I decided to take down the wallpaper in the guest bathroom about 2 weeks ago. Each night I sit and peel small amounts of shredded paper and I am not even half way through. It will not come off. So I quit for a time and took on another project.

2. I decided that I would sand and refinish my pretty front door. I put a chair outside on the porch, thinking about the mess of wallpaper, and started to slowly sand. Then I remembered why I hate to sand so much. So, halfway through that, I quit. I quit and thought how nice it would be to straighten all the kids rooms for the holidays. ( OUCH, did I say holidays?) So.....

3. I started in only son's room. With 7 large clear storage tubs. I packed trophies, pictures, notes from girls, baseball gloves, footballs, basketball jerseys from little dribblers up to high school. I packed scrap books, autographs, more trophies, certificates, caps and gowns. I packed size 4 T Dallas football pants all the way up to High School quarterback size. Then, I packed enough sports books and magazines to start a small library. All the tubs went home to Abilene to live with him in his nice new house. Now he can sit and go through them. At his leisure. I loaded all the emptied off shelves with my own books and knick knacks. I moved an antique bedroom set in there. I hung some new curtains. It all looked so nice. Then the madness really began.

4. I went into daughter # 1's room. I started doing the same thing. Oh my gosh. Tiara's, pom poms, Prom dresses, bridesmaids dresses, mums, cards dating back to her 1st birthday up to wedding congratulation cards and Welcome Baby. Every momento you can imagine. ( chip off the old block ) She has been gone from home long enough to not have accumulated as much as only son. But, still when I didn't know what to do with something I took it into only son's room. Pretty soon daughter # 1's room was turned into my new, nice and neat office. For a short time. Only son's room was a mess again.

5. I entered into daughter # 2's room. Is it legal to have 1,000 homecoming mums in one room with Strawberry Shortcakes house, a corral of My Little Ponies, Rainbow Bright, Puffalumps, Gerber baby dolls, and college textbooks. Wedding garter, prom dresses, bridesmaids dresses and megaphones from high school and college. She is alot like me in that she likes to leave everything here and she will pick it up at a later date. ( Sorry Mom...I've been gone 36 years and still have things in your attic! ) So everything that I didn't know what to do with in her room moved to daughter # 1's room and only son's room. Did I mention that I moved my treadmill into daughter # 2's room also? It takes up about half of the room. It was not turning out like I envisioned.

So, basically what I have now is:
A demolished guest bathroom
Three of the messiest rooms you have ever seen
A front door that looks like termites Housework about 2 months behind because I have been trying to work through this mess.

And here I sit at the computer. Wondering where I begin? Who do I call to help? This is serious problem and I don't see a solution in sight short of selling the house as is and moving right into the retirement home. Somebody else is going to have to cook the turkey unless things start moving in a different direction pretty soon. At this rate we won't even have room to live here.

HEY! I JUST REALIZED IT IS MY BLOGGERVERSARY. Happy wishes to me and my 6 readers.

The Verdict is In.....Almost

Home again from Houston. If you don't already have a heart condition you will trying to drive through and around and out of Houston. I had a pleasant and informative visit with Dr. Mann at Baylor Heart Institute
today. Gordon was at an LCRA conference and was not able to go with me today. So, I enlisted my BFF Becky to go with me. Also, my daughter Heather went this time since Ashley, middle daughter, had an appointment of her own.......MORE ON THAT LATER...... I am so lucky to have had them with me. They both asked questions and made me feel very much at ease as I sat in the middle. Ashley would have been in there too if she could have and I know Mitch would have been there if the miles were not such an issue. I am so very lucky and blessed by my children's love! Becky though, has a wonderful memory, unlike mine, and has been able to relate and retell me what all he said in detail. I have spent the last 2 hours in the car making her tell me again and again until I could get it all straight. Any more questions need to be directed to Becky. Dr. Mann was able to view my last stent/catherization via CD from Heart Hospital and said that from that he was certain that I do not have coronary vasculitis. I did indeed have another heart attack which was caused by almost total blockage in the RCA (right coronary artery) lower chamber this time but he saw no other evidence of another dissection. The artery was almost totally occluded or blocked and a blood clot ( yuck, don't you hate the word clot?) was thrown. This condition can happen very quickly......it isn't necessarily something that smelters for months. He said that from results of all the follow up that he could determine that I had minimal heart damage. He even said very very minimal. I did alot of calling to Heart Hospital last week and was never able to get ahold of the right person to help me recover the CD from my initial dissection/heart attack in 2001. Dr. Mann really wanted to view that one before he gave me the final verdict. So, the reason the verdict is out is I am going to spend the next few days calling, calling and calling Heart Hospital until someone goes to the Medical Records Archives/graveyard whatever and retrieves that old record. Their excuse to me each time I called was basically the same. Technology has changed so much in the last 5 years that the 2001 surgery is stored on another computer "medium" that basically would have to be re downloaded before they could record it on a cd. I don't know because I don't understand technology. I can barely borrow and carry in addition. I had some more lab work done today to test something about homocysteine and my clotting abilities. Then after the review of 2001 CD, soon to be released at a theatre near you Dr. Mann and I will get back in touch. Basically, those will be the last pieces of the puzzle for Dr. Mann and we will then consult via the telephone. He basically reinforced to me that I am not typical of any heart patient.....that I do need to be aware of chest pains, etc. But we all do! He also made me feel better by saying that he felt like I have been in very good medical care with Dr. Bailey. He said that all the notes he read from the records I provided and all the meds etc that I am on are exactly what he would have done for me. He said the familiarity of the small town relationship of patient/doctor is important. With Dr. Bailey's access to Austin facilities etc he says I am totally on the right track. That made me feel better about having so much trust and not being so informed. However, I am planning to continue this aggressive patient conduct and stay on top of everything. If for some reason, and hopefully not, Dr. Bailey is insulted that I got a second opinion I will use another highly recommended cardio that is also a 'ville regular. When all the results are in during the next few weeks, I will try to never bore you with "heart condition" posts. This just really saves time and repetition in getting the word out to the 6 of you who have asked. And prayed. And cared. In a nutshell for now until further notice, I do have mild coronary artery disease ( genetically...probably on the Whitfield side, sorry Poppi ) which is controllable by exercise, diet, medications, etc. All the not fun stuff to do. I did not hear the words Blue Bell Fudge Nut Brownie mentioned once. And by the way ....... my treadmill is not for sale anymore.

No News is Good News

For those 6 or so of you that read my blog you already know this but I'll say it again.

I had a very extensive 2 days of testing, etc at Baylor Heart Institute in Houston. Basically I went in for a second opinion. There were some issues that were bothering me and I wasn't really getting the answers to the questions I was asking. So I subjected myself to another doctor and I was poked, prodded, xrayed, nucleared, interviewed, etc...... I was very impressed with the thouroughness of it all. The dr I saw also happens to be the Chief of Staff of the whole place. He spent about 2 hours talking with me. You know I liked that.......it was all about me! I had previously faxed about 65 pages of medical records so that he could look over my history before I came. And, as Ashley would say, I sent along the introductory novel. And I did. I just hate going to see new doctors when they don't have a clue who are they are going to see. So, I have this little thing that I always forward along so they know what to expect when they do meet me. Things like where I live, work, things I like to do, etc......I know it sounds silly but he said he wished all his patients did that. But, it very much broke the ice and the new dr. / patient relationship. He pretty much reinforced what I have been told a million times and that is how very fortunate I am to be alive. He feels like the second episode should not have happened and was most likely started by another smaller dissection located in the same coronary artery as the first. I have to call Heart Hospital tomorrow and have the actual "footage" of both my surgeries ( '01 & 06 ) for him to watch. He said that they should be on cd and I have a right as a patient to request them. Jeepers, I hope I wasn't slobbering or anything. I must say that my L'Oreal lipstick stayed on for at least 12 hours during that last surgery. It wasn't as eventful as the hair issue before which I am sure my girls would love to tell you about! I then go back on the 14th for the conclusion. I wish Houston wasn't so far and I could continue as his patient. However, he has absolutely NO IDEA the stress I went through just trying to find his office through Houston. A person could get killed there! I do feel like I need to find a doctor that treats me more aggressively. So, on the dr. issue I am in a dilemma because I really like the dr. I had. He is just almost too sweet, does that make sense? So, for now, that is where I stand. I'll wait to post again when I return from the 14th's visit with all the good news. And Terrie, when you "cut up with God" in the morning as you say, please remind him of me! Maybe he'll ride with me again on the 14th.

I HATE DECISIONS

Why does everything have to be so complicated? Or do I just make it that way? I liked life so much better when my mom and dad told me what to do, when to do it, how to do it, and when to stop it. Not that I ever followed directions but it still made life easier to have someone else to blame for whatever decision I made.

JOB WISE.......After all my speech and ranting and raving about retiring and asking everyone to pray about the decision etc etc etc., I just was given a very substantial pay raise from the school district. I was more than suprised since in the 30 years I have been there I think this is the 2nd district raise I have been given. Poor little broke district. I have gotten the mandatory state raises and all but this makes everything different. Now, I really need to talk to my financial whiz brother in law. So, keep praying. I do love my job just not right now. The first of school is a nightmare but after the first week or so it is wonderful.

HEALTH WISE.......I am also going to Houston next week to see a new cardiologist for a second opinion of my medical "stuff". I am going to just say that everything job wise, retirement wise, and all is on hold until I can get my health in line. I am going to say that is the # 1 priority right now.

AND IN CONCLUSION.......So, here I go again..................not knowing where I am going. It is so my life.

Ready or Not the School Bell Rings

Things are looking up ! I am actually ready for school as far as being the principal's secretary goes. Now all I need are the children. This marks my 30th year in that chair. Well, actually I have gone through a few chairs, a few principals, a few superintendents, a few dozen teachers, a million students, and lots and lots of hugs! That's what happens when you work on the primary level. I love my job. I love the people I work with. I love the children. However, right now I am going through major mental drama. I am a known and confessed drama queen, but right now I am performing on my own stage with no audience...... until now. You are the first ticket holders to know my thoughts. I am thinking about retiring. Now, calm down Mother because I have not totally made up my mind. And even if I do retire I AM NOT GOING TO SIT AT HOME AND FEEL SORRY FOR MYSELF. This will free me up for 3 o'clock coffee time with you and Mable. But, please don't make me go to Ladies Bible Class. HA ! So, the reason for such a drastic decision ????? If you have been a reader of my blog, HELLO DEAR FAMILY CONSISTING OF 5 readers, you know that I just had a second heart attack.....unknown cause.........unknown, unknown, unknown. I hate unknown stuff. So, IF I did retire ( BIG IF ) I would take the rest of the year off to do whatever else I wanted besides coffee with Mother and Mable, and then go to my second love job.......at the ER in the fall. That place holds alot of dreams and future maybes for me. By working til midterm I could claim a full 30 years. I know I need to sit down with Daddy and go over all the details. Get out the card table Pops. And the sharp pencil and flourescent light. Just don't ask me to put on my thinking cap. I lost it a long time ago. Hubby supports whatever I want to do. Right now though I have been having fun being stressful and having this pity performance by myself. So, add another "Lynn need" to your prayer list. I need your opinions. And yes, financially I HAVE TO WORK. Oh, and if you happen to have a spare thinking cap lying around, could I borrow it?

God Bless you Where you are

We Send You Our Blessings

Be sure and click on the site above and be blessed!

A lot of unexplained things have happened to me over the past week. Lots of questions that I don't seem to have answers for or may never have answers for. Lots of the WHY'S? And for some reason the people that I always have on my doctor teams answer like this, "I sure don't know" and my favorite quote of the week from the top cardiologist in the area, "Holy Crap girl and Damn if I know." And I, in total faith accept those answers. I want doctors that say, "Girl we are sure going to get to the bottom of this puzzle so this doesn't happen again!" I don't understand why I had another heart attack but I do know I don't want another one. So, now I must find someone else on my dr. team that feels that same way. I do not know why my body finds contentment in mass manufacturing cholosterol way too fast. Now, I must find someone else on that dr. team that might know that. I am tired of taking all these medications. I am tired of being tired. I am ready to find some answers. But, after watching that wonderful power point presentation above...........I feel the blessings of life continue to follow me no matter the situation......and I am not afraid. I really am not. What is there to fear? That I might get to Heaven before you? That is not scary. Although I would like a rain check for that trip in about 40 or more years. In the meantime, I will continue to count my many blessings that surround me day in and day out. They surround me in darkness and light. How much more could I ask?

What Fireworks?

I'll admit I didn't have the greatest 4th. Or maybe I need to re-state that and say that I did have the greatest 4th. Mostly because I'm here to tell you about it. There is nothing like being airflighted in an electrical thunder storm......most of which I am not that aware of. I am not going to dwell on the issue or go into gory details but I suffered my 2nd heart attack on the evening of July 4th. I am recovering and feeling very lucky again. What is up with that? It is all a mystery to myself and the doctors......I have no real indicators or family history so we are now going to totally re-analyze my next steps for a healthier life. So, if you are family and friends.....thank you so much for praying for me and taking care of me.......if you are stranger.....add me to your prayer list. And if you want gory details......give me a call.

The Beverly Hillbillies

Here is the "cast"
Hubby - Uncle Jed
Daddy - Grandpappy
Mom - Aunt "whatever from Tenn."
Me - Granny Clampitt
Heather ( my oldest daughter ) - Ellie Mae
Reid ( my grandson )
Macy ( my granddaughter)

It is true. If you would have passed my parents van on Hwy 36 on our trip to Abilene you would have thought you saw them for sure. What a trip! Four generations were packed in the car. Along with all the essentials needed by each. We tried to pack light for it was just a 2 day trip. Hubby drove ( thank goodness) and Daddy rode shotgun. Then there is the car seat issue with Macy. So, she rode in the middle with Mom. Leaving Heather, Reid, and myself ( my claustrophobic self) in the last seat. I was pinned in next to the window and by the time we arrived (5 hours later ) I was all but in the fetal position . I am not a good traveler. But, I am especially not a good one when pinned in. Thank goodness for movies in the car and the all too FUN ...... Uno for the car game. Reid and I played that alot. If you haven't tried those car games....get one. We did have a wonderful trip and enjoyed being with Mitch our son and his beautiful & sweet wife, JD and the Reeses, who is my sister and family. I just wish that we all lived closer. We always have so much fun when we are together.

I remember lots of traveling when we were growing up. Since, Daddy was in the Air Force that made travel a way of life. We moved alot. And drove alot. Maybe that is why I hate it so now. I think I am the only sister that grew up to hate to travel. In fact, one sister just got back from backpacking around Europe. The other one loves to travel too but stays mostly busy traveling around dropping off and picking up teenagers now! Being the oldest sister I always got the pick of the seat so I can't complain about that. Or should I say being the meanest sister. We drove back to Texas from Anchorage, Alaska. When we were stationed in Penn. we drove to Texas for visits. With family in the Texas valley there were often trips from Central or West Texas down there. The valley trips rank right up there with the Abilene trips. A long way, no scenery, and long and HOT. Both sets of my Grandparents always lived away so there was travel to see them. Here I am YEARS later......married to a small town boy, raising all our children here....my parents within hollering distance. When my kids were growing up there was no need to go anywhere. We were all here! Family came to us!

Now, my children are grown and scattered away. Maternal withdrawals make travel a necessity both physically and mentally. I can only go so long without seeing my kids and grandbabes. So, like it or not I load up.

Can't help but think how nice it will be when we all get to Heaven. I have reserved a cul-de-sac address for us all. No more traveling!

Did I mention that at last count Macy asked a million times if we "were there yet"? And don't think you can ignore her or answer falsely. At four years old, she wants the truth! She wants comparisons and statistics. Then much like myself she collapses in a heap with a heavy sigh. I must say though that the grandchildren are great travelers. They entertained the miles away playing with their fancy technology gadgets, gizmos, and car tv movies. They rarely fussed or whined, especially not more than I did! They are great travelers and respectful kiddos thanks to their great mom and dad who have taught and continue to teach them to be that way. in "my day" we used to pass the hours traveling by playing wonderful games! We played "Riddle Me" and always tried to fool Mom & Dad by choosing objects they would never guess. Then there was the license plate game and the ABC game off the billboards. We played countless numbers of games of hangman, dots, & tic tac toe. And of course the quiet game, which none of us won. Who can forget all the family sing alongs? We knew every hymn in the book! That is where I learned to sing harmony in the car not on CMT. My own children, before seat belt laws, used to perform puppet shows from the back of the station wagon to cars behind us. They listened to their little cassette or was it 8 track recorders to storybooks on tape. They loved to sing in the car too. We could sing for hours. And sometimes did. They had a speak and spell they used to think was fun until they found out it was educational. Sometimes Barbie dolls and baseball cards filled the car. Mitch used to love a little baseball trivia! Times have changed.

So, until I learn how to blink and magically transport myself across the miles, I will have to live with and endure an occasional road trip. Now, though, instead of giving the kids benedryl and dramamine, I give it to myself.

Inferiority Complex

I admit it. I long for comments. Some of my blogger friends rack up the comments. Mike Cope gets so many I don't know how he can read them all. He must have had to change his office hours just to read his comments. 5 is my tops. Ok that covers my mother, my 3 children and an occasional sister or niece. I read them over and over. But it is really starting to worry me. I even got blogger funk over it one time. I mean really! Why spend all that time writing something so personal if no one even reads it? Or even worse, they read it and they don't comment. I have some really cool topics that I plan to cover over the next blogging period. For instance: MY ANNUAL MAMMOGRAM or WHY CAN'T I FIND THE RIGHT LID? or my personal favorite MY LIST OF FAVORITE WORDS OVER THE YEARS. There will be more that I know will excite you. But, I am warning you. Comment. Comment or I will hold the best captive in my mind forever.

Sounds of Silence

I know I have said this before but this house is way too quiet. I am all alone for a week as hubby has gone to New Mexico. I have banged cabinets, played the TV too loud, slammed doors, sung loudly, and talked to myself. This is going to sound totally nuts but I love to be alone and I HATE to be alone. It is late now and I am not the least bit sleepy. That is not unusual, mind you, but I really am not the least bit tired. I have a million projects I want to start during summer break and I may pull an all nighter and start one tonight. NAW...... I better not. BUt here is my list of projects. They are in no particular order. This list is similiar to a New Year's Resolution list. I never follow those either.

1. CLEAN OUT THE KIDS CLOSETS AND PACK UP 10 year old mums, dolls, books, clothes, cheerleading shoes, books of 2 precious little girls and football pants, bats, balls, and LEGOS that used to belong to a little boy that lived here for 18 years.
2. ORGANIZE all photo albums. I want to condense them by throwing out the random shots of the neighbors new fence, the road sign from a trip to who knows where, the little blond kid that used to live next door but I don't even remember their name. I only want meaningful pictures left......
3. PAINT ALL THE red picture frames that I painted 2 summer ago black. I want to do them all in black now. I want to rehang the kids wedding portraits in the entry hall on a black iron pole with black frames too. I saw that idea in Pottery Barn magazine.
4. PUSH STUFF AROUND in the garage. It wouldn't be summer without that. It doesn't accomplish one thing.
5. FINISH PUTTING THE MATERIAL on my armoire in our bedroom.
6. FILE IMPORTANT PAPERS in the filing cabinets. Right now, they are strung out everywhere from the kitchen to under a bed somewhere. In the car. At the office. In the bottom of my purse.
7. BALANCE MY CHECKBOOK....I know you are really laughing now. I have that on my list every summer. And I never do it. I don't even know how or care, really.
8. GO THROUGH MY CLOTHES and get rid of things that I haven't worn in awhile. That includes the red print mini dress I wore when I left my own wedding reception.
9. CLEAN OUT THE KITCHEN CABINETS......really. I can't even find a lid. When I want a round one I find a square one. Plates anyone? I have 5 sets of dishes. There are only 2 people in this house. I have one skillet. I have 400 million sets of mismatched silverware. I have a whole wall of cabinets full of whatnots and who knows, that as Ashley says, "Is old crap".
10. GET SOME REST, NOT GO BY AN ALARM CLOCK, FLOAT ALL DAY IN THE POOL, DRINK COFFEE, ROAM AIMLESSLY.

Knowing me and my previous summers, I'll spend alot of time on # 10. Oh well.

Who me??? Relax????

There are several words that I don't think belong in my vocabulary. They don't have anything to do with me. I don't understand the definitions. I can't relate to them. One of the main words is RELAX. For those of you who know me well, you realize that is true. I can sit no longer than 30 minutes tops at church, seminars, waiting rooms, the theatre or in other restricted environments. Then when I am home, I am in constant motion. I am not being productive necessarily but just moving. In the house, out of the house. In the kitchen out of the kitchen. At the computer or away....you get the picture. I so envy people that know how to be settled. To be able to sit and watch an entire TV program without ever getting up. My sister, Jody, knows how to relax. She is the only person I know who can read an entire book in the bathtub. She is totally in another world when she is there. I have tried to relax in the bathtub. I have lit candles had bubbles... the works. The minute my toe hits the water I am wondering what I am going to do next......I can barely get the soap out of my hair and shave my legs before I am reaching for the towel. I literally go at it like this all day. Until my batteries run out sometime around 11. You are probably thinking, "Poor thing, I have always known she needed counseling." But the truth is, this is me. There is no doubt I have inherited some wicked gene from somewhere generations ago that causes me to speed through life. I don't necessarily want to be this way but it is the way I am. I plan to work on this.......maybe I need to do yoga or meditation. Wouldn't that be a hoot? I would have my legs tangled up before I could count to 3. Then during meditation I am certain I would be talking to myself. The only time everyday that I am totally still and relaxed is at night when I pray myself to sleep. I am still then......I have learned to control my mind from wandering too much during this time and fall asleep in total peace. That can't be all bad can it?

Hey, I am open to suggestions if you think you can slow me down. Do not, I repeat DO NOT suggest restraints. I am also claustrophobic. Good luck coming up with something I haven't already thought of..... and please no medication. For once I want to do something normal!

Quick Trip For A Kiss

We made a flying trip to Htown to see part of the family! Even though we had just seen them I hadn't had enough. I just wish Mitch & JD were on the way too. I could have used a good slobbery kiss from Petey and Tex. And of course, Mitch and JD too. We are really missing them but they stay BUSY BUSY BUSY. Hopefully, in a few weeks we can head their way. Stopped at Red Lobster and took Ash to supper on Thursday nite and enjoyed a few usual laughs with her. Then headed to CLake. It was almost 10 when we got on the main drag and I called the house and said there better be some jumping up and down in the yard when I pull up. As we rounded the corner, in the shadow of the motion light, I could see 3 bodies jumping up and down and up and down and up and down. DID MY HEART GOOD. Troy was at work or I bet he would have been jumping too. He is a good sport when the in laws head to town. We kept the kids way up past bedtime. Then Gordon climbed on the top bunk and I "snuggled" down with Macy in the twin. Macy's party was all you could expect a four year party to be. Heather had worked so hard and had everything organized and precious at the park pavilion. Macy has had so many celebrations this week she said she already turned 5. We had a hard time convincing her that just because you had another party you didn't age. We were disappointed that Reid's game got rained out this morning and he didn't get to hit me my grand slam. I am sure he would have. We all went out for lunch and then we headed home. Now a storm is brewing around here for the night. Lightning is dancing in the sky. What a blessed woman I am to have gotton to drive to Houston for a kiss from my precious babes. More importantly to see the happy lives that they have created. That is all I ever wanted is for my kids to be happy and well adjusted. Thank you God.

Do We Mean What We Say?

The sweetest little man at church Sunday came up to me and handed me a button he had made for me. Funny how a little button making machine can turn into a ministry! Everytime I see him he has one on with a thought or inspiration and I always comment that I can't wait to see what button he has on. Anyway, he had heard me say this before so he printed it on a button for me. "Lord Come Quickly". I know I say it more than I probably realize. Looking at it though made me think. I pinned it on my purse so I see it quite often since I "dig" in my purse about a million times a day looking for something...... but that is another blog.

But, "Lord Come Quickly?" Do I really mean that? I know I say it at appropriate times. Like when someone is hurting that I know .... spiritually, mentally or physically. Or when I am hurting....spiritually, mentally or physically. When it is just hard to take it anymore. I read in other blogs about choices that are not good ( I know about those ), about babies that are sick ( I know about those ) , about people who give up on life.....about addicts, about job losses, about people who have so much less or maybe don't even know how to have more. Sometimes I think that blog reading wakes you up, it encourages you to reach out and realize that you are not alone on this journey of life. But, life sometimes is just hard. Hard because we make it that way or hard because we don't know any better than to do what we have done when we don't know what else to do? Does that make sense? Heaven sounds so wonderful and will be free of all that. I just know that for right now and hopefully as long as I draw a breath that I will mean it.....Lord Come Quickly and put us out of our misery and let me be found faithful and waiting!

Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder

I couldn't let the month go by without a March blog. Truthfully, I have been in a blogger funk. I know those of you who write regularly know what I mean. The mind is spinning but the words don't come out. It's been a busy spring and it is flying by. I can't believe that soon we will be complaining about summer heat. Everything is the same in my life.....it's all good. It's all blessed. Hopefully April will bring some sense to my mind and I can get back on the writing train. I need some inspiration for sure.

Another Year Older and Deeper in Something

It's finally over. My birthday has come and gone but never quietly. Having a birthday with a large LOVING family and also working in a primary school, the festivities go on for days. If you know me well you know that I have not always liked to celebrate my birthday. Don't get me wrong. I love the presents.......I love the cake.........I love the cards.....I love that it is my day.......but I can remember not even liking my birthday when I was a child. I can remember being 9 and not wanting to be "2" digits. I am not sure why. I guess it is that one time of the year when we know for certain that we are not immortal. But things have changed and I am liking who I am at 54. I don't know how it got here so fast. I like how the new saying is that 50 is the new 40. WHAT? You have never heard that. I don't think I made it up. Well, anyway it is. I know I read it in some very trustworthy article. And not AARP. Which by the way, I shredded that card again. I wish they would quit sending it. I am NOT ready to admit to senior citizen discounts and rates being discounted because of my age. On the other hand, maybe if I tried to get a discount they might want to "card" me. Now, I would enjoy that. For all of you who helped me celebrate.......for the little voices that trembled out the words...."Happy Birthday Dear Neena" I appreciate it and I love you. If you still don't know what to get me, I will accept cash.